Tag: Love

Weekend Story of Celebration and Family in Mindoro

It was 2020 when we last paid a visit to my mom’s hometown in Paluan, Occidental Mindoro, because it was the time she went back here to the Philippines as she worked abroad. Now, after years of her being waged overseas, she then returned for a quick vacation. One of the long lists is to have a meaningful and rewarding experience of going back and reconnecting with relatives who live far away from us. Most importantly, to celebrate my elder brother’s and Lola’s birthday.

Actually, on this trip, my Mom and my cousin already traveled on Tuesday — 2 days ahead of us, because we still have commitments at work. And they will have to wait for us there till we get there.

10:00 PM, Thursday, Harbie, Valerie, Jaryl, and I decided to depart this early and catch our 11:00 PM cruise at the Batangas port. This move definitely will help us avoid rush hour traffic and long lines, plus it can save us time and reduce stress. It can also give us more time to explore our destination or enjoy our quick getaway, as we’ll have more hours in the day to do so.

We booked our flight at the Montenegro Lines heading to Abra de Ilog. No long lines and no people rushing. I’m just sleepy. 😴
10:30 PM situation here at the Batangas Port. We have enough time to check in, go through security, and make our way to the gate.
We’ve got our tickets for the long way round. It costs 572 PHP for a regular fare and 458 PHP rate for a student discount fare. With an additional terminal fee. 🎫

Now that we’ve secured our tickets, we’re just waiting for our departure. Since I am sleepy, I can’t wait to sit and relax on a ship which is a very calming experience, as I’m surrounded by the calming sounds of the sea and can enjoy a slower pace of life. Hoping that I won’t feel nauseous all throughout.

Jaryl and I — luggage ready for this trip. 🧳
Harbie and Valerie — ready for the nth time during this Mindoro experience. 🫶🏻
What’s with the stare? When work is life. 😤

At exactly 11:00 PM, the Montenegro Lines ship arrived. We swiftly head our way to get ourselves to choose first where to sit and enjoy the view. Indeed, night flights are often quieter and less busy than daytime flights, which can create a calmer atmosphere.

Outside view of Montenegro Lines Ship at Night. 🚢🌌
With my direct view outside while relaxing, I’m more likely to feel sleepy. 🌚 🌊
This is my first time to catch a sight of this ship’s Male comfort room. 🚽 🚻

For some travelers, night flights can be a chance to unwind and relax without the distractions of work or daily life. It may have the opportunity to read, watch a movie, or listen to music, all while cruising through the night sky. However, the windy condition for this trip of ours also caused discomfort for those who are prone to seasickness. And as for me, I have to enjoy the sensation of the wind in my hair and the moonlight on my face. It’s sooo cold, by the way.

Our ship offboarded at Abra de Ilog port at around 1:45 AM. My mom and her cousin picked us up for another ride to reach my grandmother’s house, where we’ll stay.

Day 1. 4 AM, Friday, Touchdown! We settled and rested to help our body recover and prepare ourselves for the activities we are about to do for the day.

Time Flies. Looking at this old photo made me realize how quickly time passed. It reminded me to cherish each moment and make the most of the time I have. ✨
Memories. This photo brought me back some of my memories of this place from the past. It is a powerful experience that has shaped who I am today. ✨
Appreciation. This photo made me appreciate my childhood. It reminded me of the love and experiences I have received from family and friends that have helped me grow. ✨

Seeing these old photos reminded me of my family, friends, and experiences that have shaped my life today. It brought me a range of emotions, from nostalgia to regret, but it also provided me a perspective and appreciation for the journey of life.

Hi! It’s me in deep thoughts, deeper than the sea! 🤪

Good Morning, Mindoro, Philippines! I’m back at it again for another experience, and realization to carry with me. So much has changed. Seeing the changes in this place I once knew well is a reminder of the passing of time, which is both a sobering and humbling experience. And catching sight of how much this place has changed made me realize that change really is an inevitable part of life. Nothing remains the same forever, and it’s essential to embrace change. And even if the physical environment has changed, the memories I have of the place will always be with me. The memories bring me comfort and nostalgia.

Embracing the experience. Finally, I have embarked myself in front of the sea after a long while, so I should embrace the experience fully. Soaking up with the beauty and wonder of the sea is something I deserve, honestly. This is a powerful motivator that sometimes I deserve a rest, away from the usual busy routine. This will definitely leave lasting memories and a sense of fulfillment.

Standing in front of the sea makes me feel that this is an inspiring experience that can ignite my sense of adventure and desire to explore. 🏃
Sea’s POV at daytime. A vast expanse of shimmering blue water reflected the bright sunlight. ☀️
Sea’s POV at nighttime. At night, the sea is a dark, mysterious place, a bonfire is a good idea, right? 🔥

Day 2. Spending the quick getaway at the La Alegria beach resort, a 20-minute drive away from our house. Despite the windy condition, this resort by the sea provided us a relaxing atmosphere that can help us unwind and de-stress.

On our way to Alegria beach resort, with Kuya Muel in this photo.
As their tagline says, “The place where you can enjoy.” 🏝️
After a long walk along the beach, we took some amazing photos. 📷
And some more photos of the place, with me. 📸
First time riding on this three-wheeled Chariot. Cheers to more first times! 🛞
Alegria also has their landmark letter to take pictures with.
We weren’t able to swim here, but walk-in works fine.
They also have a pool here. 💦
And available cottages for more tourists. 🏡

The occasion wouldn’t be completed without the food. That’s absolutely true, the food should be fresh and well-prepared.

We prepared a lot of food. The ube specialty, spaghetti, pancit, puto, mangoes, vegetables, fish, biko, and chicken delicacy. 🍲
Grilled Sulahan and Eggplant. Definitely, mouthwatering! 🐟 🍆
An attempt to grill a Sulahan, but I just gave it a touch, because why not? 🐠

Sharing this table with a bounty of food with our family is a wonderful experience. This celebration brought my mother’s side of the family acquainted, and an opportunity for conversation and bonding. To create a festive atmosphere and add to the overall enjoyment of the event, we enjoyed singing at a Karaoke as well.

Remember to have fun and enjoy the moment! Group photos with food can be a great way to capture memories and share them with others. And so, we did! 🤍
You know what, it’s a great way to document this occasion and share it with others who have not been here. 🤍
Expressing gratitude and appreciation for the food and the people who prepared it, and acknowledging the blessings that we have in our lives. 🙏

This day with our loved ones and enjoying food together was a special day to have the opportunity to come together, no matter how distance sets us apart for a long time.

My Lola and Kuya’s birthday celebration paved the way to express appreciation for their presence in our lives and to reflect on the joy and happiness that they bring to us and others.

Truly, in this quick escapade, we created a sense of belonging and shared experience which strengthened our relationship and deepen our connections with the people we care about. Whether it’s a simple meal at home or a fancy restaurant dinner, celebrating with loved ones and enjoying food together is a meaningful and memorable way to mark the occasion.

Day 3. It’s time to go home now. This is a bittersweet experience. While, of course, it’s nice to return to the comfort and familiarity of home, leaving behind the excitement and adventure of a vacation can be difficult. Having to leave my Lola, uncle, cousins, and relatives have a pinch in my heart for I don’t know when’s the next time we’ll have the time to come back again here.

Unitl next time, Mindoro. 👋
Thank you for the experience, people, place, and food. 😎

Overall, going home from a quick trip is sad because it means leaving behind the fun and excitement of a new experience and returning to the responsibilities and stress of everyday life. Yes, going back to work, school, or other undertakings after a vacation can be challenging. I’ve felt like I’ve lost the freedom and relaxation that I enjoyed during our vacation. But I thank God because it’s the positive memories and experiences from this vacation became the reminders that I will carry with me as I return to my normal routine.

In the end, for a short time, I was reminded of the thoughts that it’s important to take breaks from the stresses of everyday life and to prioritize self-care and relaxation while creating lasting memories with the people you love.

“Home is people. Not a place.”

Robin Hobb

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Celebrating Life At 25

I’m so thrilled to share my 3rd Birthday Blog in this safe space as I turn 25 this year. As you all know, this platform became an online scrapbook of my life so, I’ll be telling you about how my 25th birthday went and what are some of the most important things I’ve learned thus far.

During my early 20s, I always contemplate things that I should’ve figured out what my life and my dreams would be. Perhaps a house, driving your own car, having insuravests, travelling to different cities and countries. And here I am at 25, still thriving to tick some of these. And what I’m proud of is that, I definitely can say that I am currently on track to go where I would want to be while having exceeded some of my expectations for what I wanted to achieve by this age.

So, here’s to more days and years to choose to put my best foot forward and be better every day. The experience thus far will inspire me to take more chances and feel rewarding.

And oh, by looking at the surrounding things, I have been blessed to have the best people who appreciate me. God has already given and prepared so much for me.

Cheers to 25 years! ☀️

I don’t know what the future holds, but one’s thing for sure, life will never be straightforward, the thing is, sometimes what you really want will only come to you when you are ready. And sometimes what you really thought you wanted isn’t something that you do when you are older.

I’ve been blessed in so many ways as I turn 25. Well, I’m so excited and grateful to share the next chapter of my life with you. See you then! 🤞

“Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.”

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Begin Again

It was raining hard as you walked into the café, you ordered a mocha-flavored drink, the usual chocolate for him. As you wait for it, you hardly stare at him. He waited for you to spit the initial words before the story finally began.

Your eyes were seemingly nervous, but you got through it. It’s the comfort of silence he gave you to sprung words and stitch phrases to share. It wasn’t easy, compared to how you were on the line.

You were like that. He smirked as a signal of happiness that can’t be contained. The atmosphere came alive, like a place in the world that’s beautiful. It’s inside that four walls, it’s in the café where you and him, built the connection and hope. From your heart to his, from your look to him, it all begin again.

A Tiny Tale of Us

I miss you.

I may not be your priority but, I know I always run through your mind.

We hardly share about everything we’ve been through, 24/365+.

You know I can’t look you in the eyes, I could melt if I do.

You think the printed pair of socks you gave looks cute on me, so I keep it.

Like a kid, I always put the blame game on you whenever my character dies at the games we play.

You’re particular that I’m not vocal when I feel something bad that makes me mad for a long time, until I cool down and spill the beans.

I was like that.

You loved me even on my tattered points, and I love you so.

I could not even imagine myself with anyone but you.

And now, I always imagine how our lives could be at the present if we’re still together.

Lot of what ifs and regrets I have in mind could either make us or still break us.

Let’s try even the 1% chance left on us.

Trust the process, you always say, and we always do.

Pinky swear?

About Having Our Dog

I admit that I’m a non-dog lover. Maybe because I’ve got bitten when I was young. I have lived to be scared of dogs, like every time I walk by in our narrow street, I will always bite my tongue, so I won’t get noticed by the pack of dogs as I pass by. I don’t know but, I believe in its magic.

Until my brother had one, it took him a long time to have a dog, since I’m really not into it, we always argue. The barking, the shredding fur, the pooping and peeing, the smell, and stuffs — some minor issues I’m concerned with. I’m glad he considered my shallow plead. So, we adopted a native dog that has no breed, an Aspin. Having one require less maintenance than purebred dogs.

His name is Kobe, a great addition to our family just right before Coronavirus pandemic rebellion. He is 2 months old when we adopted him on 30th January. I can’t touch him, really scared of him, even though he’s that small.

There were consecutive mid nights and dawn he barked which put me into a really awful sleep. Agh, I don’t know why I’m the only one who complains about it in our family. I always come closer to his shed to talk to him that he’s really noisy. I always scold him because of his behavior. Funny how he stares at me and listen intently as if he can understand what I am preaching. I heard that he’s compulsive barking is normal since he’s into a whole new environment.

As the day passes, I’m getting used to his barks, and he as well got used to our place. There was a time that he really wanted to come out his shed, and he kept on barking. So, my dad let him out of his house, he hastily ran away beside a distant tree and peed, later he also pooped. I just learned something from that day. Those barks may be a sign of a comfort break, aside from attention seeking, or he wants to play, he’s hungry, and there’s a stranger.

On weekends, I used to feed him since my brother is out of town during those days. I got annoyed that sometimes he will make noise even though it’s only 10 AM, not his feeding time. He will stretch his body just to allow me see him because I always do my work in the kitchen near his shed. Poor boy, we have no food to feed him that early and wait for us to finish our meals first before he could finally eat. But I can’t take his appeal, I will then open canned goods for him to eat and stop the noise already. And I will start my preaching again as I feed him.

He became part of our daily routine. We let him out of his shed in the morning and sunset to play in the field, feed and wash him too. For the passing months I haven’t touched him yet. I just really can’t but, I love how I used to feed him and play without touching him. It has been 8 months since he’s home. I can’t believe the fact that we already incorporated Kobe in our everyday lives. He became quiet and adaptive as he age, he became comfortable to our place as well. The only time he will make noise is when he’s going to have a comfort break, when he wants to play, when he’s hungry, and he saw someone peculiar. Not to the point that we can’t get a comfortable sleep at night.

We really can’t avoid unfortunate events to happen in our lives. One morning, where the sky’s gloomy and the rain’s about to drop, my dad noticed that Kobe went missing in his shed. We all started to look for him all over the place. Asked the neighbors by any chance that they’ve seen Kobe. One of them said that he saw a dog walking outside our compound, he wasn’t sure if it’s Kobe. Until the rain came, we failed to find him, we really had no idea where he was. Whilst, my brother had no idea that his dog went missing because he’s out of town.

We ate lunch, I’m the one tasked to do the chores and stuff, I already had everything cleaned. I stopped and sat for a while, I’m suddenly reminded of how I prepare Kobe’s food after our lunch. As the rain came heavier, thoughts of where Kobe could have been situated hit my senses, tears in face came streaming. Maybe he’s shivering, wet and lonely and had no place to shed off. I just really can’t take to be reminded of those unfortunate instances and of course our bittersweet memory together.

Two days passed, we had no idea where he was. I missed the morning walks and plays, the sound of his noise. I used to look around our place if Kobe’s just hiding or nearby. I just can’t control my feelings and let my tears drip on my face, it hurt me so much. I can’t let go of thoughts that maybe he’s into another family, he got by the authorities, hit by raging car, and even worst, dead. But I’m still hoping that he’ll make his way home. And I won’t get tired of waiting for him.

Six o’clock in the morning, one of our neighbor came knocking on our door together with Kobe telling us that our dog was seen heading inside our compound. He looked so sad, starving, and chilling. We didn’t know where he had been, he just walked by inside the house, he knew the place, but he seemed to be aloof. Maybe he’s dealing with emotional trauma after being lost. We fed him, gave him water and pet him. We really missed him.

You’re really a grown up dog, our Kobe! You once got lost but you found your way home.

I felt relieved the moment I saw him eating the foods we gave him. It felt like he didn’t eat for ages. You are safe, you are home now.

I can’t deny that I really got inflicted by this happening. I still can’t consider myself as a dog lover, a frustrated dog parent in such different way, perhaps.

The moment he came back gave me deep realizations and affection towards him. He made me realized that in every fall, do not lose the hope for there might be a great come back. Thank you, God, we’re together again.

Here’s to more bittersweet memories with you, Kobe. 🐕🐶

Dear Diary

Yeah, it’s our first day at kindergarten. I saw her with a pink ribbon on her hair. She’s sad and anxious, I took the seat beside her and gave the chocolate prize that my dad rewarded me because I woke up early that day. She loved the sweet treat and she smiled. Glad we became friends.

***

Why did she have to be so forgetful? She forgot the book our teacher asked us to bring? I lend her mine, so she won’t stand at the corner as a punishment — I did. Yes, it’s embarrassing but for her, it felt nothing on me.

***

We bid our goodbyes as the school year ended. Primary school was extra fun with her. My family have to move to the city, because of dad’s job. I won’t be able to be with her on middle school. I’ll pay her a visit when time permits.

***

I haven’t mentioned her that my dad was reassigned back to our town, and we have to move back. It’s sophomore year, I surprised her and took the seat beside her, “Surprise”. We’re together again. Shookt face was painted on her face.

***

I really enjoyed today’s bond with her, I liked the cookies her mom baked for us after a tiring day of teaching her to solve complex math problems. She’s a fast learner, her focused face makes her even more cute.

***

John asked her to be his date for JS Prom, I failed to ask her first. She already said yes. I felt like I don’t want to go to the prom.

***

Today is a normal day, no JS prom in mind. She messaged me that she was ditched by John, I asked where she is, I know she’s upset to what happened and brought some sweet treats.

***

It’s college. I wish we had the same University. I missed her.

***

We’re both free today, we talked. Seems she’s doing fine with one of her guy classmate. Someone who gives her sweet gestures. I smiled during our talk. And here I am, wishing that it should be me. I’m sappy (sad but happy for her).

***

It’s her special day. I stood behind his groom. As I hug her, I whispered congratulations. I’m glad I took part on her wedding day. Nothing’s changed. I know she’s fine so am I.

This is my diary of feelings I’ve had towards her. I wish I had the courage to tell her earlier, but I was scared of losing the value of our friendship, and her. So I kept our relationship that way. If and only if I dared to let my feelings and thoughts in mind out.

I have loved her since childhood.

We should learn how to trust our feelings and take chances, don’t hesitate anymore or else you’ll miss it.

This spoke to me.

“Some untold stories tend to become the pages of some chapters”

— Aishwarya Jayaraman

Stoy inspired from Yumi’s Diary. Read here.

Samgyeopsal with Friends: A Quick Escape

The Philippine government under the approval of COVID-19 Inter-Agency Task Force (IATF) already imposed to gradually ease restrictions for food establishments but with only 50% capacity to areas under modified general community quarantine (MGCQ).

Definitely good news for those who crave for their favorite Samgyeopsal dishes. And as for me and my friends, we took this chance soon as we’re free to dig in.

We removed our masks for a second, so there’ll be visible smiles on our faces.

Since it’s Sunday, where we’re all free from work we took this moment to visit Sampgyup Korean Restaurant located in SM City Batangas. In fact, we have other choices, but we have other matters to do inside the mall, so we considered this place.

It’s our first time to eat in this Korean house, the typical ambiance is evident with grilling pan and smoke pipe Korean exhaust blower. Of course, the place is filled with a K-pop playlist where customers can hear some Korean vibe.

Before we finally sit and order, we were first asked to fill out a form which records some of our health histories, given hand sanitizers, and the staff checked our body temperature with the infrared temperature gun. Then, we’re led to sit in a four-seater table. These kinds of stuff of the restaurant were the norms to follow strict health protocol standards imposed by the government since they are allowed to welcome dine-in customers.

We ordered the Unlimited Pork (Bulgogi, Soy Garlic, Gochujang, Soju Pork, Plain) and Chicken (Salt & Pepper, Gochujang) worth 399PHP with side dishes which include Kimchi, Cucumber and Carrot salad (tossed in vinegar and a bit of ginger), Sweet baby potatoes, Japchae (glass noodles stir-fried with vegetables), Korean braised tofu, Lettuce, Korean egg and Steamed rice.

Same with some restaurants we’ve been to, we cooked the meat on a grill pan. For some, they use charcoal grill which somehow brings a better taste to the meat. And some Korean restaurants offer to cook the meat for the customer. But for us, it is always more fun and exciting to grill the meat ourselves even though we’re starving already haha.

We were able to consume two servings of Pork and Chicken which were enough to satisfy our cravings. It’s kinda tiring to grill it honestly so haha. Also, I commend the staffs for their approachable service, the serving time didn’t take too long as well. The music on the screen was a real deal, the playlists that time were Blackpink’s, Red Velvet’s, Momoland’s, and SNSD’s where we’re able to sing and hum too, while grilling. Since we’re not experts, we were unsure if we cooked the meat perfectly or still undercooked. Uhmm as they say, Happiness is cooking with friends and eating together. And foods taste better when you eat it with them anyways. 😊

We were blessed not just the financial needs, but also the time and friendship we have had for a long time. We know that we can’t fully use the time for other stuff, since we’re still on these trying times. We’re just so thankful that we’re all safe and still able to meet and have a quick escape, have good food to eat while sharing some talks about how our lives have been so far while we’re on a distance and quarantined for about four months now.

Till our next food trip. So, how are you and your friends going these times? Let me know down the comment section below.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

There are too many memories of you (and still counting) which I can still hark back to as a grown-up. I can still picture on how it went and I recollect some of those thoughts and have to write it in my blog so I can look and read back on it whenever I want to.

I was five, the time when I had to run for a mile to catch you and give you your pocket-size brown comb that you used to fix your hair when you go to work.

Can still remember that you’ll always buy my favorite sour cream & onion piattos and yakult when I’m ill so I can calm on those times.

7AM on the second grade, you brought me to school and then you left off to work. I slid on the seesaw, my white kentucky shirt got fully covered with mud when I fell. I hastily ran to your auto mechanic shop just in front of the school, I cried because of dirt. As quickly you bought a shirt at the nearby market, so I won’t be late for class.

It was my 7th birthday when I saw a picture on the table at the back of the house. I got curious to see what’s printed on it. So, I approached and came close to have a look on it. The moment I stood beside the table, a delirious dog attacked and bit me. I was too little to run away and escape from it. You saw me there, briskly you pulled me to get off the mad dog — (I was so lucky that a fully equipped quack doctor was there haha).

I fell asleep as I waited for the news on the TV, I was 8 the night that I cried because we were tasked to write one from the news statements that we will watch, to be presented the next day which I failed to do so. Glad you were there, you wrote a piece for me, even though you didn’t watch the news haha. I was amazed and I memorized it then, so I can report it to class.

There are other memories untold that I treasure. These are just some of those remarkable, cutest, and sweetest gesture you’ve ever done as my father. Even there are times I know I was wrong but you’re still on my side. I love you for keeping your eyes on me and watch me grow. I didn’t know if you knew, so I’m taking this chance to say, I love you Dad!

Know that when you and Mom get older, I’ll take care both of you.

Birthday Blog | June 7, 2020

Honestly, I had no idea that this pandemic which we didn’t expect unveiled to drastically spread to cause lockdown which happened to be extended to its utmost until it reached my special day, indeed anxiety-inducing. We were under quarantine, and I had to adjust about the setup to what’s going to happen after all the plans I made in my mind prior to this.

So here’s the thing, I admit that I’ve had a birthday blues, this might sound an oxymoron but, yes I had to deal with it. Despite the fact that I should be excited anything about my special day like positivity, love, joy, attention, people, and other stuffs — it seemed to be a paradox, or something I’m feeling to contradict with what it should look like or what should I feel.

Maybe for some, it feels like they’re obligated to feel special and celebrate the day they were born. And as for me, I know this is supposed to be a good time and I’m blessed about the present and good things happened and still happening in my life, it’s just that there are tons of thoughts which gradually bug me to feel anxious on my birthday. Here are some:

#1 I’m aging another year. “Age is just a number” they say, but there’s no denying about the feeling and the changes which come along with getting another one. I got to always compare my present self to my younger self about my physical, mental, and emotional aspects. I know it will take at least a couple of times to accept it and look forward.

#2 I’m feeling the weight of others expectation. I believe it’s just really up to me on how I put action to make something happen for my sanity, career, family, or finances and to obtain it in a specific time as I age. You definitely can’t avoid some people to observe the gap between who you are and what they want you to have or become. But on another note, it’s easy to say for some that they don’t need anyone’s validation on how they should be living their lives because there’s always a perfect timing and chance for everyone. Which I think I should keep in mind also.

#3 My own expectations. I have this unhealthy attachment to things like expecting outcomes I wish I could control but I just couldn’t. My birthday serves every year as the reminder to accomplish things I wanted for a certain age. It allows me to contemplate the things which I haven’t accomplished yet which tends to create heartbreaks through my expectations. But I guess it’s time to count all the accomplishments I did whether big or small and feel proud of my capabilities I lacked to notice.

My 23rd Birthday 🎈

“It’s my birthday, so I’m celebrating everything.”

  • MOMMY
  • CHRISTALA
  • DAAN
  • MOMSHIE JOYCE
  • EC, GIA, & JILL
  • ATE VALE
  • INAY, NINANG, ATE BADETH, VINCE
  • KUYA and DAD

Despite all these things in my head, and on what’s happening around, my birthday was still a blast, and I am blessed to have my family, friends and colleagues to make me feel I’m showered with abundance of appreciation, love, and warmth for me to embrace this so-called birthday blues. I think it’s normal for a certain individual to feel sad around his birthday, which I experienced it myself but I overcome it.

How about you? Ever felt something to came up with realizations on your birthday? How do you spend your day?

I wonder what’s going to happen next. See you on my next blog.

An Open Letter To The One That Got Away

What if we were really meant to part ways,
So that, in time, we could find each other again?
I believe there’s a silver lining for us to meet at the shore,
Where our lines will be intertwined to resume our half-sealed pinky swears. 

I was 17 when I got to know you. The night I can’t seem to forget where the glaring moon and stars witnessed the first time we’ve met. I really had no idea from that moment on, we’ll create the profound story of us.

Adrenaline rushes through every opening of my veins whenever we talk, and see each other. I don’t know why, maybe because the feeling felt like it’s always new. I’m always on cloud nine, a fairy tale bliss kind of feeling. Why do you have to carry that aura of an angel with you? It’s enticing, you got me. You’re like the blue sea, still and calm that I could stare the whole day for me to think of things I’d like to. The blue sea that turns red whenever I kiss you. Not a chance on a day that we won’t exchange goodmornings, and have you eaten your breakfast, lunch, and dinner. On busy days, we still’ve time to share how our day went before we bid our goodnights. We went out on dates, ate our favorites, and shared our stories to tell. I learned things from you, and you learned things from me. We even coerced our ship with every prodigious waves that hit us. Cherished good, bad, exciting and thrilling happenings and special days that came our way. We were young that time, but we both knew that our tryst relationship could go deeper, soon as we sail. We’re like that — we’re normal.

Thank you. You’re the one who brought out the best in me, and made me want to be a better person. You’re very ideal, your patience and empathy is indeed admirable, you’ve made me feel I’m validated. You ought to let me realize how to embrace my imperfections and perhaps it made us perfect for one another. Who wouldn’t love you?. Expressionless you might be but if I could be able to look through your heart, I know every beat of it can show the depth of your love for me. Your words might not be able to describe how you really feel towards me, but I thank you enough for telling me that you love me. And I so love you more always in all ways.

My Apologies. I know I’m perfect being imperfect, I’m no superhuman and I made mistakes. Sorry for acting silent like it’s nothing whenever I’m mad and for ignoring you at times. Sorry for my inability to compromise, the immaturity and toxicity I brought, for being too jealous of your time or even to someone. For my non-sense jokes, my whines and I sought your attention while you were too busy on your things. Sorry for being my greatest fear. Sorry for a bucket full of never-ending misunderstandings we have had. And a lot of things to apologize for. But above all these, sorry for loving you this much that made it hurt you. I trust fate and I believe you’ll accept my apology. I’m sorry.

I forgive you. I know you only have few words to say and you seldom spill what’s on your mind, I understand. You might be forgetful at times — on our special days, it’s fine. You might be too confined and you seem not to involve me on some of your whereabouts, it’s okay. You have taken the leap of faith, and tried to make everything right for us. I’ve had forgiven you.

Support

We were perfect for each other,
For years we’ve built a foundation of our love.
But there’s a thick line which indicates a limit,
And I guess, the time wasn’t right.

There are things which are simply inevitable. You’re dealing with existential crisis and I couldn’t help but to cause incessant arguments which disturbed your mental peace.  It wasn’t healthy anymore and I admit it’s because of me.  I have realized how frozen you were, you needed space and I sensed it. So I need to keep myself ready for the possibilities. Until you started to melt your ice. That night, I have all ears, eager to listen to your sentiments.

You needed a break from every commitment you have, including ours. You wanted to commit your time to yourself. Thus, you wanted to feel free and do everything without worrying that I would feel anything bad about what you do. You wanted to be happy without feeling any form of guilt for choosing your own happiness because you’ve always felt that you’re denying yourself. That you’re always making decisions on what other people are expecting from you. And whenever you choose to follow what your heart says, deep inside there’s always a feeling of guilt. Being with me for years, you thought that you weren’t giving me enough. You felt that you weren’t treating me the way you should. You perceived everything’s a mess that moment, and you want to fix yourself again because you needed to. You really wanted to make me happy but you can’t bear to give your all for me, for us. You were really thankful for the time we spent together and you wouldn’t forget me, you added. I was your first serious relationship, the one being really committed and lasted for years. But everything seemed to be blurry in the end. You needed a break and you’re lost. You felt that you weren’t improving and you didn’t knew when can you fulfill the role you have to play for me. And you felt like you weren’t the best for me. You needed a break and you swore that you needed to focus on yourself first. You said you don’t know if that’s the last heartbreak you will give me. You love me so much and you wanted me to be happy without you. You uttered that maybe you needed time to think about everything and you can’t assure me anything from that moment I begged on you. But you left me with the words that I would cling to “I believe if we really are destined, we’ll definitely find our way back”. “Promise me you still give your best in everything you do, even without me,  Pinky swear — I still love you.”

What If I never brought it up? Maybe you stayed, just the way you find me every time I’m lost. So we can figure it out until we learned to fix everything. But this context depicts me being selfish. Upon hearing your sentiments, tears streamed down my face. I had no idea for how long have you been keeping those burdens with you. I was dull not to notice those things until the silence echoed. And I failed to see my shortcomings to make you happy, so you’ll stay.  I believe everything happened for a reason, maybe to teach us a lesson. Even pain has its own intentions. I guess, that time was solely not for romance or compatibility, ’twas our future, families, hard work and career which were at stake. Never have I ever thought that I’ll lose you. I was caught off guard. It feels like I can’t run back to a burning house just to save the things I value — us.

It was the point of my life that I badly needed to escape and hide in the midst of nowhere so no one can see my dreadful being. Knowing that I can no longer touch the unwrapped of memoir of ours. For  the passing days without you I’ve had anxiety and I cried helplessly. Pillow cases witnessed my awful state until tears came out no more. Cobwebs were in my head like maybe I didn’t mean as much to you as I thought I did. My soul whispered sounds of yesterday’s memories as I kept reminiscing your presence. I knew how it felt to cry at night and struggle to cover my mouth so no one can hear my weeping. I knew how it felt like crying in the rain so no once can notice the tears sobbing in my eyes. I’d tried to stop the waves that cleared all our memories printed in the sand. But the splashes of these waves have already washed out my entirety. And then, I realized that even if I can’t stop the waves, I know I can learn how to surf and bring out the valor I’ve had. Some memories may never leave me, like I once dived into the sea, I already carried the salt and it became part of me. I can’t change anything more unless I learned how to accept it.

A line indicates a limit,
A limit which means boundary
If we were never to cross that line,
We would never experience the world, life, and relationships outside the boundary.

Well, we’re 22 and it’s been a year since we parted ways. Just because we were no longer together, doesn’t mean I won’t love you. There’s always a hint of sadness and a piece of my heart that smiles whenever I think about you. You’re my what ifs, my could’ve beens and should’ve beens. You are worthy, you are enough and you are blessed. I hope you have already found out what you’re looking out there. I hope you have already the audacity to believe that you are capable of everything, and be sure of all your decisions, and you deserve all the things that you have. I hope you’ve figured out what your heart truly speaks for, and your mind truly thinks of.  Be proud of yourself wherever you are or what you do. I hope you’ve already cleared out all the mess and wiped out the blur confusions you’ve had. Above all of these hopes, I hope you’ve found the answers to the questions that we once never figured out. It doesn’t have to be completely whole, but the leap of faith matters the most. A leap of faith where you believe and accept everything outside the boundary.

Despite everything that has happened, I want you to know that I have no bad feelings towards you. Yes you broke my heart, but you didn’t break me.  Instead, I’ve learned how to forget what hurt me, but not the lessons it taught me. I believe that there’s always a light at the end of every tunnel.

I wrote for the one-percent chance that you could read this piece. And though it’s only a one-percent chance, if you feel you’re ready to like me still, then couldn’t we start over? You don’t have to like me very much. Just keep your heart open for me. ♡